Laser-like focus, minus the retinal scarring

I have been trying to focus my energies as of late. Part of this effort entails studying how I spend my time and cutting down on activities that don't further my long-term goals or enhance my wellbeing. I decided the best way to do this is to address these activities directly:

Work, you provide me with the income I need to fund my mad schemes and the experience I need to pose as a respectable member of society. I actually like my co-workers, too, which counts for a lot in my book o' happiness. If labor be the food of life, tool on. But go easy on the overtime.

Facebook, you would be on the chopping block if you didn't make me laugh so much with your outlandish third-party applications and stalker-friendly interface! I shall henceforth consider you an occasional indulgence. But Scrabulous, you are on notice!

IM, I neglected you before and shall continue to do so. Your powers of distraction are useless if I refuse to launch the application. I prefer social interaction with less typing, and I don't care how cutesy the away messages can be.

Gym, no matter how often I visit you, I keep gaining weight. Come to think of it, the more I work out, the hungrier I feel. WTF. If I weren't so thoroughly brainwashed to believe that exercise is good for me, I would stop. But seriously, stop making me gain weight. Muscle versus fat density be damned, it's getting ridiculous. I'll give you another month to shape up before I revisit my "exercise is good" theory.

Improv, you're so good to me. Good friends, zingy one-liners, laughter, and brief moments in an actual spotlight do wonders for the soul. And I love knowing where to go to see people from 30 Rock and SNL perform three feet away from me, laughing so hard my stomach hurts, and recognizing the techniques they're using while I'm watching them because I use them too.

NYC, your powers of distraction and impoverishment are nothing short of astounding. Theater, parks, museums, restaurants, clubs, bars, shops, and festivals all compete for my attention and funds. You inspire and motivate me, and that's why I love you. And spend way too much money on you. Please don't bankrupt and/or kill me.

Writing, you deserve more time than I give you. Henceforth, I taketh from my RSS feed time allotment and I giveth to thee.

Reading, you heal my heart and fill my head with random information I can regurgitate to fill awkward silences. If only my commute were longer, I would indulge in you more. You shall share my weekend laundry time slot while Netflix and NPR podcasts share my weekend ironing time slot.

Studying, I've purposely ignored you so far. Come December, you can ride shotgun while NYC takes a back seat. I may get a lot more boring this winter, but hopefully I'll save some money while I'm sharpening my mind.

Okay, that's the pep talk. Now it's time for my favorite activity of all: sleep!